Some Dads Read 50 Shades of Grey

The other day I was in Chapters and saw a wonderful display of books with the title, “For Dad”. Obviously this was a promotion for Father’s Day and these would be books that a father would be interested. I looked at the selection of books and it was like looking at books for stereotypes. They were books on WWII, Tanks, BBQ, Wings, Sports Cars, Motorcycles and Golf. I looked around to this if there were women from 1960 working. While I was not insulted and have no intention of starting some stupid protest against it, I did think this was one of the poorest excuses for a display I have seen. Why is it assumed that all men like cars? Maybe I am not the average guy but I really don’t think I am that far off. Sure, I was in Chapters buying a 50 Shades of Grey sequel, but I am still man. Where was the display of books for men that aren’t found in the background of a sitcom or a bad stand up comedy routine? I am shocked this selection of books didn’t have a series on make noise with your armpit and a How-To book on not helping around the house.

I know that women face a lot of crap from the media and society about being a size 0 and not having body fat. I know they are pressured to be perfect mothers while maintaining a good career and doing the dishes while cooking dinner and sewing costumes. I know that they are pressured to look good and most of the time the “ideal” woman being presented to them is unachievable. Of course what the media and society don’t seem to let the woman of the world know is that most men don’t find those women appealing. Or at least I sure don’t. I like curves and I like helping around the house. At my house, I am the cook and I am the gardener. I can do laundry (but I admit I don’t often) but I do the dishes. I bake and I do the groceries. This isn’t abnormal. A lot of men do this. It just seems that the media has not caught on. They like to push the stereotype that a woman doesn’t know a thing about cars and men ruin clothes in the laundry. And we know this isn’t true. Maybe one day it will change. I don’t have a lot of faith though when The Real Housewives is still on and Pauly D from Jersey Shore can be a role model.

Non Ranty Stuff…

Today is May 23, 2012. I am one week away from the one year anniversary of my Dukan Diet plan. I am still preparing for the post and I need to think about what would be interesting to read or write about. I am still toying with the idea of a before and after picture. I am still hesitating about moving on to the lifestyle phase and not really being as careful watching what I eat. I have a week left and so much to think about.

And finally….

The worst part about the end of May is that there is very little TV to watch. I am not a big TV person anymore but the choices are even smaller. I don’t care about American Idol or what quasi-celebrity wins a dancing contest (and side note, if you are a “celebrity” and when your name is announced and people say, “Who?” You are not a celebrity.). So I will just have to find books to read or other things to do. What is the book that I am reading now? It is that 50 Shades of Grey book. I won’t make any further comments on it. Just go read it.

 

I Can’t Get My Meringue To Orgasm

First to my pies….

I attempted a few more pies this weekend. My first was another Key Lime concoction. It wasn’t that much different than my last Key Lime, I just added more lime, cream and condensed milk. It was okay. It wouldn’t win an award but I don’t think anyone would hate it.

My second creation was my first attempt at Lemon Meringue. My lemon filling was great. It was tart and lemony and didn’t run at all. The Meringue was a disaster. I heard that getting your Meringue to peak was similar to getting a woman to do the same. It takes a bit longer than you think and you need to apply the sugar slowly while going fast at the same time. It is tricky. So in my first attempt, I was unable to get it to peak. I should have tried a bit harder but I gave up when I went through too many egg whites (I can’t make any comparison with egg whites to sex). I plan on trying again soon because I refuse to give up. I think we could all fail at that when it is your first time. The second time is always better. I could have posted a picture of my sad little pie, but I decided against it. Why highlight my failures?

My last creation for the weekend was Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. I read a recipe and decided just to do it my way. They turned out pretty good. The reviews were good (5 different people) so this may be a new staple cookie that I can add to my book.

My next goal (besides get my meringue to orgasm, I mean a woman to peak, I mean my meringue to peak) will be to try to substitute puree bananas for butter in a recipe. I know it lacks the right oil but I am curious to see what I can do with it.

Second…the sale

I mentioned that we had a Garage Sale at my house this weekend. It was almost a disaster. I don’t know if it is from lack of people, the weekend or the great weather but we didn’t have a lot of people come by. We also didn’t sell the things that I thought were sure bets. The hand carved wood rocking horse was barely looked at. The TVs were avoided like the plague and kitchen table was like a big piece of garbage. The only things that really sold were candles, shelving units and old scrapbooking supplies. I sold my old poker tables (both were pretty crappy) but not my assorted poker chips (which were good quality). An old VW Kid car was looked at and since I lack the ability to take people’s money, I just gave that one away. I knew it wasn’t very good so I couldn’t charge money. I lied to my son and told him he sold it for $5. I gave him the money. I also sold my Grandfather’s old World War II helmet. I probably got ripped off but I sold it anyway. Why was I keeping this thing? I didn’t display it. I didn’t wear it and it sat in a closet for 15 years. It may be worth $100 and it may be worth nothing. Sentimentally it didn’t mean anything to me. It was a helmet. So I let it go. Maybe I should feel bad about it but I don’t. I didn’t sell my memories of him dropping the Coconut Cream Pie in the driveway after being told he was going to drop it. That memory is still with me. That’s all I need. I don’t need something from a time he didn’t want to talk about.

In the end I put a lot of stuff at the end of my driveway for people to take. At first I was worried I was going to have to find a way to move that beast of a TV but after a few hours someone took it. I hope they either use it well or make money from it. I don’t care. I just wanted it gone.

The final word on the Garage Sale is that I never want to do it again. I will never horde junk that I don’t need. It will either be thrown out or donated. It just isn’t worth a Saturday morning sitting in my garage hoping for people to come to my house. I will leave the “hoping for people to come to my house” for my next birthday party. At least at that I won’t be trying to sell them anything.

And the third thing…..

I haven’t sat down and watched fireworks in about 25 years.  There were fireworks all weekend and I never bothered to watch. Maybe I haven’t seen the right display or maybe fireworks are boring. I don’t know but I just can’t find the time to bother watching things go boom with pretty colours in the sky. Especially the store-bought ones that go one at a time. Oh look! It’s a red flame. Now it is a green flame! Now it is red again! Now…can we go home?

 

Long Weekends and Baking Pies

It’s Canada so we will be celebrating a long weekend! While our American friends will be having their start to summer long weekend next week, us silly Canadians will be taking this Monday off to celebrate a long dead Queen and I don’t mean Liberace.

This weekend will have some really great weather so I may not get the chance to do a few of the things I really want to do. My ideal weekend would be spent baking some more but with weather in the mid twenties; I will be hard pressed to stay indoors. It also means my trip to see The Avengers will have to be delayed…again. Alas! I will probably bake something anyway. I have a strong urge to make a Lemon Meringue Pie and a Strawberry Tart. I haven’t tried a cake yet but that just seems so boring. But if I add cheese and make it a Cheesecake, then we can have a little fun.

I’ll probably play baseball though. My son has been asking, so we will be hitting balls (and I said to him, “and baseballs too!”).

This weekend we are also putting on a Garage Sale. I am not a fan of these sales myself, but we have a lot of junk in the house and I want to get rid of it. Apparently people buy junk. They spend their weekends driving around and buying stuff from other people. I have a friend who is a master at it. He seems to find gems when I tend to just find junk. Maybe someone will think my stuff is a gem. Well, one can hope.

But back to baking…

As regular readers will know, I tend to obsess about things for a while. The past year has been mostly about health, fajitas and fitness and my writing has focused on a lot of that. While I am still very focused on my health and I am still very obsessed with fajitas, I am haven’t spent too much time writing about it. I can’t really keep writing the same things. It gets boring for me and it would get boring for people who read this blog all the time. Does anyone really care that I went to a spin class last night? Who cares that I avoided a catered lunch and ate my bag of chicken? There’s only so much to say and I should probably save it for the upcoming one year anniversary of the Count Dooku diet. I think the apprentice became the master.

So now I have been baking (and with very sub par tools). I don’t know why I enjoy it so much. I can’t eat half of what I bake but the process is very fulfilling. I love the idea of researching recipes to figure out what I think would work best. Then I try it to see if my idea does work. So far my ideas have worked well. That’s a good incentive to continue. If I kept failing then I may have quit by now. I have had some spectacular failures but I just try to learn from them. It is a slight waste of food but I think the end results are worth it.  But I really need more people to eat the food. I am beginning to feel my work colleagues don’t all deserve it. They crowd around the food like vultures and then disperse once the food is gone. There is no appreciation for the food. They just want to eat. When free food is available here there can be stampedes. It’s a little frightening.

So if I win the $50 Million this weekend I will bake a lot more. That’s how I am viewing the lottery now. It will give me more time to bake (and maybe get a personal trainer). I suppose I would get some shirts too.

And finally….

My wife started a business this week. It’s a part-time thing but now she can sell vegan friendly, natural beauty products. She has been raving about this stuff for months and she just took the chance on the business. I have seen the products and the results are actually noticeable. I haven’t used a lot of it myself, but I imagine that will change soon. But really, how can I improve on the perfection that my face has already achieved? So if anyone is every interested in natural, not animal tested and completely vegan friendly beauty products that work, then I know someone who can help (and get you some free stuff too).

But really finally…..

My favourite quote from the night – “That man looks like a dog. Look at him, his is so old he looks like a dog.” That’s how a nine-year old thinks.

 

Short Rants for a Long Day

Third day. One more day long presentation to do. I am not complaining (since this is my job) but it gets pretty exhausting trying to be “on” all day. At least today’s topic is something that I have no worries about. Yesterday was a little sketchy at times. They asked some questions that were pretty hard. Thankfully I am great at making things up and they didn’t catch on (just kidding).

I heard a couple things in the news in that last few days that would usually require a post but I will try and sum it up quickly (since my time to write is limited).

G20 – The latest report says that while the police did well overall, there were a few major problems. I think everyone knew that. Arresting 1100 people (most of whom were innocent) and placing them in a makeshift jail suited for 500 is going to be an issue. I don’t care what you think of the protestors but placing them in a crowded prison for 36 hours without a washroom or food is not the Canada that I would die to protect. And remember a lot of these people were not even protesting, they happened to be downtown when the police decided to arrest everyone (a day after the riots).

EI – There are changes coming to EI that may force an applicant to move to where there is work. I waiver on this one because it is good and bad at the same time. There are a lot of people abusing EI. I know someone who quit their job because “they just didn’t like it anymore” and is “happy to be on EI for a while”. That’s not what EI is for. It is to help people that lose their jobs and are trying to find another while needing assistance. It isn’t designed to pay for your life when you don’t feel like working anymore. I have worked some crappy ass jobs to avoid going on EI. I lost my job and I got one in a restaurant. I didn’t like the job but it is my responsibility to find work and not live off the government. We have a fundamental problem with our economy and people choosing not work seems absurd to me. EI is a great program and I pay my maximum contribution every year. I am happy to help people that need the help, but I am not thrilled that I have to support those that refuse the work they have.

Decaf – I accidentally drank 2 cups of decaf coffee this morning. What a waste! That’s like having a cookie injected into your stomach. You get all the fat but not of the delicious cookie tastes.

The Bachorlette – American society seems to need to protect the sanctity of marriage from two gay people marrying each other out of love but they don’t seem to think the sanctity of marriage is corrupted by a TV show when people compete to marry a perfect stranger. There is no issue that eventually the suitors beg  for an “overnight” date and them Bachelor or Bachelorette decides who they will marry when the odds are the final ranking is based on how good the sex was. That’s okay, but gays are ruining marriage.

These are the same people who all claim being fat is genetic but being gay is a choice.

(And I am well aware that there are some people who are genetically predisposed to gain weight, but that’s not everyone. I am sure that the proliferation of fast food restaurants and “Hungry Man Meals” has nothing to do with it.)

The Long Weekend – We may be celebrating a long dead Queen but I am sure happy for the day off. Way to go, Victoria and your very long rule of England! Thanks for the day off.

 

Things I Don’t Write About

Another day, another 8 hour presentation. As I suspected, I drank a lot of coffee yesterday and by the end of the day I think I put on 10lbs in just coffee and water.  I am glad I went the gym and sweated it all out in my hour spinning class. I really didn’t want to work out but I forced myself on the bike and I eventually even did weights. It made me feel better about the day; however, I have no idea if I can do that again tonight. I will want to just crash by the time I get home. I guess we shall see.

I haven’t been paying attention to much that has been going on in the news this week so I can’t be too political. Although I did hear something on the radio that really pissed me off, but I am forbidden to discuss it in a public blog. And for those wondering, while I have had no issue with writing about almost every aspect of my life, I have had to keep a few things out of this blog. What are those things?

1)      Where and what I do. I can’t write about the specifics behind my job because we have a strict policy against it. And if I mentioned my industry or anything about it, my writing could appear in our daily news feed. It would also land me in serious trouble.

2)      My sex life. I don’t think anyone wants to read that.

3)      My wife. Yes, I am married but I have kept her out of this for the most part. She knows why.

That’s about all I keep out of the almost 500 blog posts I have done in the past few years. Of course, I am more than happy to discuss all of those three things in person or via e-mails. I just can’t post it. Although I highly doubt anyone will ever ask for info on #2. Unless they are secret in love with me and desire me and want to know more. Or they are an adult film producer. Either one.

And elsewhere in the recesses of my brain….

I heard hundreds of tow truck drivers were going to do a “drive slow” on the 401 today. They are protesting the OPPs decision to contract out tow trucks to accidents on the 400 series highways. They used to divvy up the work and now it would be contracted out. So they are responding my making the commute to work hard on the customers they wish to serve. This is the kind of protest that I will never understand. It only hurts their cause. Yes, it will make the news and bring attention to it but I don’t give a shit. So what if the OPP contacts it out? Doesn’t this mean the consumer will benefit? Doesn’t this mean those high prices and strong-arm tactics that plagues the tow truck industry will become better? I have seen their attitude first hand. I had a truck from Kitchener get me in Toronto and the other tow truck drivers wanted to “protect their territory”. They treat the two truck business like the dealers do in The Wire. They protect their corners and shoot outs ensue. Maybe the drivers don’t shoot guns but they sure as hell make it known.

But they will do their drive and screw up traffic anyway. It won’t affect me but it is still irritating.

 

Math is Hard – Thinking is Harder

Here’s a quick update: The Pie was a hit.

That is all.

I am spending three glorious days by the Toronto Airport giving three 8 hour presentations. It is going to be a very long week. The topics are things that I can handle, however, I still have great fears that I will be exposed for not knowing anything. The fears may be silly, but they are certainly real.

I am going to be jacked up on coffee, water and the urge to pee. It’s funny, when you are the one giving the presentation it is a lot hard to “sneak out” to use the restrooms. They tend to notice when you’re gone.

And one more short story….

I took my mother to the drug store to buy some pain killers this weekend. The total charge for the pills was $7.11. She gave the cashier a $20 and this is when the wheels fell off. The cashier accidentally rang it in as my mother giving her $19.18 for some off reason. Once this happened she started to panic. She couldn’t figure out what the change would be on her own. She frantically asked around for a calculator to figure out what $20 – $7.11 would be. She was completely incapable of figuring it out herself. I wanted to tell her that the math was pretty simple but her panicked face wouldn’t hear of it. She needed technology to tell her the answer. Eventually (after 5 minutes of terror) she got a manager to help her out. The manager had a little trouble figuring out what the problem was. In the end it only took two people and the calculator tool on the lottery machine for my Mum to get her $12.89 change. I am not sure of this is an indication of our education system or if it proves that technology has ruined the mind and basic math and English skills are becoming a lost part of society.

Or the cashier was just a little dim.

 

Three Pies, Three Crusts, Three Hours

It was a pie weekend.

Today I am only going to write about the three pies that I made. On Saturday I had decided that I wanted to make a few pies (and cookies) for Mother’s Day. I figured the mothers in my life deserved it. Of course my plans went a little haywire when my original start time of around 2pm was changed to about 4pm. I had a few things to do on Saturday (I was a wonderful son and took my newly kneed mother around town..yes, she had her knee replaced) and I got home later than I planned. But since I am me and I don’t take change well, I decided I was making the stuff anyway.

So this is what I made (in about 3 hours)…

I made my normal batch of cookies. They are still wildly popular and I figure I could probably sell them but then I would get greedy and take too large an order and I would have everyone working too hard and hijinks would ensue. But I made them and they were tasty.

The first pie I made was a Key Lime Pie with a Graham Cracker crust. This is easier than I thought since I only had to mix the crust by hand (graham crackers, cinnamon, butter and a little sugar). It bakes relatively fast so I was able to make the filling while it baked. The filling was made with about 20 key limes (making for about ¾ cup of lime juice), sour cream (1/2 cup), lime rind, and condensed milk. I baked that for about 10 or fifteen minutes and let it cool in the fridge for a few hours. If you want the recipe, then ask me for it and I will post it. Otherwise it will be my little secret but let me assure you, this is a damn good Key Lime Pie. I have brought the leftovers to work and I will let you know how successful it is.

The next step was to start on the Pecan Pie. This pie was requested with shortbread crust and that was an inspired idea. The shortbread crust was pretty basic with flour, butter, icing sugar and brown sugar. It had to sit for two hours in the fridge so I was able to make my last pie (and the cookies) while it proofed. When it was done, I flattened it out and baked the Pecan Pie in it so they would both cook together. The Pecan Pie filling had pecans, brown sugar, milk, a little white sugar, vanilla extract, a little flour and eggs. I baked them together for about 30 minutes or so. The only issue I had was that it didn’t fully set. However, I let it cool in the fridge for a few hours and afterwards it was apparently “the best pecan pie I have ever had” according to my Mum and my wife. I am not a huge fan of Pecan Pie myself, but it was pretty damn good. Again, I could post the recipe, if asked. Or I could bake you a pie if you really wanted (local delivery only).

The last pie was of my own invention. I had a lot of Blackberries and Raspberries and decided to make a pie out of them. I also made my third crust of the day which was a flaky butter crust. This is a pretty simple crust of only butter, sugar, salt, flour and cold water. The filling used the berries (about 4 cups…however, I should have used 6 cups). I put the berries in the food processor for a few pulses to make them nicely chopped up. I mixed a few tablespoons of cornstarch, about ¾ cup of sugar, a few sprinkles of cinnamon and some salt. This baked for about 40 minutes and it set perfectly. I still think I was short on the amount of berries and I kick myself for it. When it went in the oven I knew that it was a little too light on berries. But I still went with it. At least I know for next time.

So those were my pies. I found a little too much joy in baking them and I even invented a “Pie Crust Making” dance. Again, I may offer to show the dance off if I ever deliver the pie to you. Or hell, I bake the pie at your house. Although that is a really odd offer to make on a public blog with a bunch of readers I have never met.  There could be a serial killer who solely kills pie baking bloggers. That would be disastrous. Or he/she could kill me and as a final twist of fate, bake me into a pie!

So that is a scary thought, unless I am a Pie Baking serial killer. But that’s been done in a musical.

 

It’s Mum not Mom

This weekend is Mother’s Day and I usually don’t write too much about. I know it is an important day to a lot of Mothers and I suppose Mothers need a day to celebrate. I am lucky enough to still have my mother with us. I know that there are a lot of people that don’t. While I can complain that my mother is a little nuts and even more so when she is on medication and decided to have short term memory loss and decide to blab to my son that I have I blog, I am still very lucky that I have her around.

The one thing that I do take issue with is the rampant use of the word, “Mom”.  I don’t use that word. It is like a curse word to me. I really hate the word. It isn’t because it had mothers or think that the shortening words is bad but I think the use of the “o” is a crime. It isn’t “Mom” it is “Mum”. Use the fucking “u”!

Perhaps, I was a bit harsh. But I am a very ardent supporter of the U vs the O. I would campaign for the U. And I may just think a little less of people that use the O. I may be overreacting but I really favour the U.

The ironic part of the use of the word Mum is that I learned it from my Mum. My Mum always spelled it Mum and it made sense to me. I pronounce the UM sound when I say the word. I never say the OHM sound. I know this is beginning to sound absurd but all revolutions have to start somewhere and I think this may be the cause that I attach my flag to. Forget poverty, AIDS in Africa, Kony2012, pink ribbons, blue ribbons, yellow ribbons and purple ribbons. This is the thing that will change the world. NO MORE UMS FOR MUMS! Or another slogan, MOM SOUNDS LIKE BOMB! YOU SUPPORT TERRORISM! I think that would seal up the Republican vote.

So this Mother’s Day, please use the word Mum, your Mum deserves it.

Elsewhere…..

I saw my son in a place last night. Prior to the start of the play his reviews for it went something like this, “It is not good.” Or, “It’s a bit of a train wreck.” And finally, there would just be nervous laughter. So going in my expectations were lower than seeing an episode of Hannah Montana. I expected a bunch of kids acting silly and some really bad singing. The program did not comfort me since they spelled my son’s last name wrong. It is a six letter last name that is very difficult to get wrong; however, they added a “u” (I get the irony). So with a misspelled name, a misspelled ticket and the poor reviews from my son, I was ready to spend the evening fantasizing what I would do with the $50 million I plan on winning this weekend. I was pleasantly surprised by the show. Yes, it was a cast of 12, 13, and 14-year-old kids so it wasn’t Broadway but it wasn’t too bad. The kids seemed like they were having fun and some of them were actually pretty good. One of the girls had a pretty strong singing voice and I didn’t get a headache from the show. My son had a prominent enough role in the show that it kept my youngest son entertained. It was pride filled moment to see my son joining in a Can-Can with the Italian named French Chorus girls. He made a fool of himself and it looked fantastic. I have never pushed him into the theatre or have ever told him he had to audition for plays or do well in drama. All of these things he has chosen to do on his own. I am pretty sure the love of theatre and performing comes from me, through my mother and her mother before her. It’s makes me wonder if it is a genetic thing or not. Regardless it was incredible to see him up on stage, performing well and enjoying himself. That’s all I could ask for.

And back to Sunday….

It will be Mother’s day this Sunday and my boys want to get their Mum something good. Their suggestions thus far?

From Biddy B the nine-year-old – A six-foot Wonder Woman on a stand and a sign that says, “Great Mum!”

From Alex, the show star – A case for makeup. So she can carry it around and have it. What are they called?

I think I have my work cut out for me

 

Sovereign Light Cafe

I think I have figured out why purses are so great. It’s too bad that society has said that men can’t carry purses. I don’t care if you call it a European Carry All or a Man Bag. Even Joey knew that man’s purse was really just a lady’s purse in drag. A purse is a purse is a purse.

But I still want one.

Today was a perfect example why I need a purse. I have to carry car keys, a Blackberry (for work), an iPhone (personal), a wallet and headphones. I also had my work keycard, some change and my lunch. I had serious issues getting all of this out of the car without trouble. I couldn’t put it all into my pockets because a) my pockets are big enough and b) I would look silly with bulging pockets. So I was pretty stuck. I was fiddling around with everything and making sure I didn’t drop it. All I could think of is how I needed a bag to put this all in. It would be easier with a bag. That’s when I knew that the bag that I was thinking of was really a purse. I sat in my car and knew that there was no way I could pull a purse off. Indiana Jones could pull it off because a purse doesn’t look like a purse if you’re putting an idol into it.

The only alternative to the purse is the hip pouch. And really, I’d rather carry a purse than have a hip pouch. I would much rather have people say, “Hey there’s a gay man with a purse” than “Hey there’s a loser with a hip pouch.” There is no reason to wear a hip pouch.

Hell, I refuse to attach a cell phone to my belt. I think that is almost as bad as a hip pouch. It is basically a hip pouch but just with electronics. It seems to be more universally accepted but I still think cell phones attached to your belt looks stupid. Unless you’re working on a line or in a busy environment then it is acceptable. However, seeing a dude at the mall with a cell phone attached to his hip looks beyond stupid. Again, I’d rather have the purse.

I won’t buy a purse though. I could never pull the trigger on that one. I would imagine myself in a few months with my purse and soon there would be a tissue with lipstick on it or a piece of gum that I never bought. It would be inevitable and it would also confirm the fact to many of my friends that I may just be a woman. But that would only be because they wouldn’t see the benefits of having empty pockets and an organized place for all your items. And maybe I would keep the Cross of Coronado in it just to make myself look cool.

 

Forget the Ghosts That Make You Old Before Your Time

The fantastic state of North Carolina has just banned same-sex marriage. They changed to constitution of the state to say that marriage can only be between one man and one woman. Again, these types of things completely baffle my mind. The supporters of this ban say, “And the point — the whole point — is simply that you don’t rewrite the nature of God’s design for marriage based on the demands of a group of adults”. This is the argument. It goes against God’s design. Even though the US Constitution separates the church and state, many people still think they should be able to impose their views onto others. How does two people marrying each other affect other people? I can understand if a church refused to marry people, I would disagree with it but I would understand their argument. I would also not want the Government to make the church marry them. I don’t get why the religious right need to make sure everyone follows their ideals. This isn’t a matter of a threat to public safety, an attack on the lives of children or a way to make one group above another. It is just about allowing two people to a legalized marriage that protects their partners and family. These people are so quick to ban love between gay people and are slow to act on poverty, drug abuse and child endangerment. It’s a sad for civil rights. I would love to hear someone tell me why gay marriage is so bad. How it affects them personally and why it should be outlawed.

Elsewhere….

As I come up on a year on the Count Dooku diet (Dukan for those who googled this today), I have noticed a complication that the book doesn’t mention. These are issues that are perhaps caused by my extra workout regime or a stronger avoidance of butters and oils that I need to have. But this is a serious issue nonetheless. I think people have noticed. I think they are all looking at me and pointing. Maybe they are laughing and saying, “Look at that silly fool!” I have to idea. But this problem seems to have no end, but it must have an end. It can’t continue forever.

So what’s this problem? Have I successfully built it up so that you’re curious? Or are you already sick of the whole ex-fatty issues? It doesn’t matter. The issue is my clothing. Almost all of my clothes are too big again. Back in September when I thought I was done all the weight loss, I bought a significant amount of clothes. It was the right time since I had started my new position at work and I had to be a little better dressed. I went around and found a lot of clothes (mostly on sale) and spent a significant amount of money. It felt good to look good.

Now it has been several months and all of those clothes are very loosely fitting. My actual weight hasn’t changed but my clothes sizes have. Today I am wearing pants that are too loose and a shirt that makes me feel l am 12-years-old and wearing my older brother’s clothes. Or it could be compared to looking like some of the nutbags that appear on Judge Judy and are clearly wearing clothes that can’t possibly be their own. Regardless of the metaphor, my clothes are too big. This isn’t a rally terrible problem. I don’t expect sympathy or for someone to start a website collecting donations called, andrewneedssmallerclothes.com. That would be stupid, yet heartwarming.

So here I sit with big clothes and not looking as sharp as I could. I look in the mirror and know that it is noticeable that the clothes are too big. I was able to disguise it a little before with sweaters but not shirts. They bellow out at the waist and I feel like I am inflated like a balloon. My pants are another story. I have to cinch my belt a little tighter and you can see the fold of the pants. It also causes my pants to hike up a little bit. I am thisclose to having the appearance of wearing flood pants. And I don’t want to look like I am wearing flood pants.

My last issue is that I am afraid to go buy clothes again. What if my body changes again? I know I can’t really change that much. I have gone from an XL(or XXL) to a M in my shirts. I don’t think it is ever possible to get my 6 foot plus frame into a Small.  And my pant size is about a 31, I think. I can’t imagine getting small than that either. I don’t think I want to but I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want to look like a bean pole. It’s a conundrum!

Yes, that was a good word, wasn’t it?

And finally…

I was listening to my new Keane album and encouraging a friend while listening to the song, On the Road. I thought it was quite apropos (Boom! Another good word!).

When the world’s laying you low
Why don’t you let me carry your load?
When things get bad you know you have a friend
All along the road